Holding Me Back

I always heard that if you want your situation to change in your life then you will have to change your situation. I never fully understood how can a person change their situation, I always thought it was just something that each of had to go through to understand where we came from..... but that just can't be what it's all about...When things are going bad and your at a all time low you can't just stay there and wait for something to change are get better.... I have been at a ALL time low in my life and I know that eventually things will get better and a change is coming to come, but I want more than that..... I want things to be great in my life in my kids life, for my family...I really want to succeed at my dream and be happy in myself... Lately I have been feeling less worthy of me, unhappy, mad, fustrated and dissappoint in me..... Yes I know that I am in control of my own destiny and if I want things to turn around in my life I will have to do something to change..... Well that is just it.... I don't where to begin or how to start or what to do and how to do it.... At 33, with 4 kids, married for 5 years I thought I would have somewhat figured somethings out atleast about myself...or about the women I have become or was.... I feel as if I only adapted to what is expected to be and do instead of doing what I felt was right for me.... I allow myself to submissive into that very same person I told myself as a little girl I would never become...... Feeling weak, not only I am weak to others but being weak to myelf as well....I have been placed on HOLD and I am Holding Me Back from all the things that I wanted to accomplished, my dreams, my goals, my kids, my family....... I have so many things inside of me that I have never adventured or let out because of fear what others might say or think.... I do not want to geel trapped and tied down because it just seems like the best thing to do.... I want to explore and enjoy what I do and appericate the fact that I did it...... I want to be HAPPY WITH ME, ABOUT ME. right now when I look at myself I don't see happiess, I see fear and loneliness and heartache...... where do I begin to change that, I guess I need to start with how I see me.....

until then I will learn to smile like I have no worries and laugh just because....
Chapter 1:Releasing the Hold on Me.....