Happy Birthday To Me!!!!

Today is my 34th birthday and I must say at first I was really into my feelings and felt somewhat weird out about turning 34.....yeah I know it's sad because before this day came I was down because I was not where I wanted to be in life and I was hoping that I would have made a lot of changes, so I was not prepared to rejoice on this day, but when I woke up this morning with a smile on my face I realize I am truly thankful and bless to see another year and it hit me that it is not my age that is getting higher it's my growth that is becoming wiser and stronger. I now look back on my life and can say that I have overcome many many obstacles some that I have defeated victorious and few that I have bowed out gracefully. I've experienced plenty of joyous moments and heartfelt occasions. I've cried thousands of tears and laughed a million times. When I think of all the good I've had and have in my life I truly cannot complain. Yes I have some short comings and I have not reach my full potential, but on this day I God has allowed me to breath, see, smile, touch, feel all of my senses are alive and well and moving..... My life is not over because I am older my life is starting over again to experience new things a new life another challenge another opportunity to grow stronger, wiser and better.

Happy Birthday to me and may God continue to bless me with many many more!!!

I am a Christian

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I was lost"
That is why I chose this way.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are all too visible,
But God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
Which is why I speak His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

Trying times

I am going thru such a hard time right now.... financially, mentally, spiritually, my kids, family, and marriage. I am being pulled in so many directions that I have lost my way and has been sucked down in self pity. I am praying so hard for guidance and understanding, and clarity to process my situation. I have truly realize that when you hit bottom and your going thru your trials and trying times, you feel abandon and the people you thought was your true friends are a good listener can really care less about your issues. So with all the other issues you’re dealing with or that I have allowed to consumed my life now I have the feeling of abandonment placed in my heart.

Dear God,

I am so sorry I know that my feelings, thoughts & emotions and actions are getting the best of me and I know that you will never put more on me than I can bare and that I need to continue to praise and worship thru the good and bad. God I pray to you to remove ALL things that are not of YOU in my life. I ask that you please forgive me from my sins by words, thoughts, and deed. God I thank you for bringing me this far and I praise in advance to guiding me and bring me out of this storm and into a brand new season that has been provided and set up by your Grace and Mercy.
I pray for courage as I begin this day, for I understand there is work to be done, burdens to be carried, feelings to be shared and joys to be celebrated. Grant me the courage to be silent that I may hear Thy voice; to persevere, that I may share Thy victory. God Please continue to work on me and thur me, that I may by changed and become a reflection in your image.
In these Holy words I pray
Amen.

My 35 by 35

This year I am turning 34 yikes...... so I have started an 35 by 35 just to give me a little time to get the ball rolling on my accomplishments.....I believe that 35 prepares you for 40 and 40 is a start of a new life a more grown an mature life which at that time you should be more stable and set in your goals..... just my opinion, but here is my list of things I would like to have accomplish by my 35th bday.... So wish me luck!!!!

1.       Start EKG certification class

2.       Find a job working as an EKG

3.       Lose 25lbs and maintain the weight

4.       Pray more and worry less

5.       Go on a Cruise with the kids

6.       Cook more and try new things

7.       Go to the Essence festival

8.       Work on repairing my credit/ Take a financial class/ learn to budget

9.       Take the kids to their first concert to see their favorite artist

10.   Have at least $1,500 in my savings by my 35^th bday

11.   Take sexy pics

12.   Buy virgin Remy hair and get a sew-in

13.   Join an AIDS awareness group or do a walk for AIDS

14.   Stop eating fast food for 90 days

15.   Develop and workout routine and work out at least 4- 5 days a week

16.   Join the women’s minster at church--done

17.   Start a book club

18.   Take a Spanish class

19.   Get into Counseling

20.   Remove tattoo I have on my chest

21.   Buy my daughter her first car

22.   Visit Puerto Rico for Labor Day weekend

23.   Purchase an Ipad 2

24.   Buy a new camera and look into taking photography class (maybe)

25.   Take the kids to six flags in Dallas

26.   Take a pole dancing class

27.   Continue to grow out my hair naturally

28.   Go to Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels with my whole family

29.    Color my hair ( I want a reddish color)

30.   Continue to work on my Blog (Doing Me)

31.   Take the kids out on a 1 on 1 date

32.   Spend more time with my mom & dad

33.   Get a gun license and purchase a gun and teach my kids about gun safety

34.   Go on a couples  spa day

35.   Throw a BIG 35^th bday party

My promise to my kids

My promise to my kids:

I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you crazy,

Be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed

Because I LOVE YOU!!

When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult.

You will NEVER find someone who loves you, prays for you, cares about you,

and worries about you more than me……..your Mom.

To my beautiful babies as your mom I promise to always love you, support you and as much as y’all drive me crazy I will always be here for you.

My commitment is to always put you first. ..Everything I do is for you

 Listen when you talk and try and keep an open mind

Always tell you I love you

To give you my undivided attention

Motivate you to make good decision

Divide my time between the 4 of you, which is hard but worth the challenge.

Give you hugs and kisses when you need them most

Teach you to pray and to know that Jesus is our Lord and Savor and without his grace we are nothing.

To allow you to grow up and make your own mistakes (but in my mind you will always be my babies no matter how old you get)

Things to remember:

Never let anyone force you into being something you’re not. Find your strength and don’t be ashamed of your weakness. It’s ok to be original, always strive to lead so that you won’t have to follow. Take Education seriously!! There is a lot in this world to learn. Follow your dreams…. Believe in it; work hard for it, because nothing is impossible.

My goal:
Is to work on me; to become a better mom, wife, sister, daughter & friend.

Love Mom

When it Hurts so Bad

I been missing in action for a minute...I've had a lot on my mind but was afraid to share, but now it is time because I can't keep things bottled in forever the reason for a Blog is to get things out and express yourself so here it goes........
Last night my heart was sliced in half with a knife, I've heard this statement many times in my life "I hate you", but when it comes out of your child's mouth and in your face it felt like I just been shot. I always heard that kids and drunks always tell the truth......As parents we do the best we can at all times..... at least I try to... I am not perfect and I make mistakes but I try real hard to show and provide my kids with love, support and compassion. Right now times is hard and we have cut back tremendously, and even though I have expressed this to my children it is still sometimes hard for some kids the understand. But by my son telling me those painful words it made me understand that my kids are suffering just as much as we are suffering and he is having a hard time dealing with the transition of change and for me I am only trying to cover up my pain and adjust to the change. I am at a point where I am trying to deal with all sorts of emotions that I just can't seem to line up in place and I find myself all over the place emotionally so I can only imagine that my kids are picking on this and is acting out as such because they have misplace feelings also.

It's not what you do in a difficlut situation, It's how you handle it, so how will I handle this outburst..... I don't know yet becuase right now he is mad and I am hurt and I think we both need a small time out to really think and sort things out before addressing the issue. But I know I will assure him that no matter what or how he feels I will always Love him and will take care of him and support him no matter because he's my child and he came from me as a gift from God.

Almighty God, who gives strength to the weak and upholds those who might fall, give me courage to do what is right, for those that trust in you have no need to fear.

Make be brave to face any danger which may now threaten me.

Give me the help that you have promised to those who ask it, that I may overcome my fears and go bravely forward.

Fill me with courage, that nothing which is my duty to do, may be too hard for me. Let me put my trust in your power and goodness.

Thank you my Lord.

Amen

Day 22: Your nicknames & why you have them.

I never had a nickname,.... I always thought a nickname was something short of your name or a little pet family name that your family gives you to taught you for the rest of your life.... I don't know but thankfully I don't have one... sorry

I Quit!!!!

Sometimes it is good to remind yourself that you just have to let somethings go and just do you.....

I Quit!!!!!

1. Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness! Respect their position and keep it moving!

2. Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them! And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets!

3. Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don't want to travel with you. Either they believe in you and value you...or they don't!

4. Quit complaining about things you can't and won't change!

5. Quit gossiping about other people! Minding our own business should be a full time job!

6. Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren't going to matter three weeks from now! Talk solutions...and then implement them!

7. Quit eating things you know are not good for you! If you can't quit...eat smaller portions!

8. Quit buying things when we know we can't afford them! If you don't have self control, then quit going to the stores! Quit charging things, especially when you don't NEED them!

9. Quit staying in unhealthy relationships! It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you! So quit lying to yourself! It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse/partner are living with is affecting them!

10. Quit letting family members rope you into the drama! -Start telling them you don't want to hear it! Quit spreading the drama! Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin or aunt! Go back to #5 minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy!

11. Quit trying to change people! IT DOESN'T WORK! Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are!

12. Quit the job you hate! Start pursuing your passion. Find the job that fuels your passion BEFORE you quit!

13. Quit volunteering for things that you aren't getting any personal fulfillment from anymore! Quit volunteering for things and then failing to follow through with your commitment!

14. Quit listening to the naysayers! Quit watching the depressing news if you are going to live in the doom and gloom of it all!

15. Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why you can't do what you want to do!

16. Quit waiting on others to give you the answers...and start finding the answers for yourself! If what you are doing isn't working for you...then quit it!

17. Quit settling and start making your dreams a reality! - Quit being afraid and START LIVING YOUR LIFE! CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT! If you want something different than what you have had in the past...you must quit doing what you have done before and DO something different! JUST QUIT IT ....... and START DOING something to create the experience you want!

Day 21: Short goals you wish to fulfill by the end of the month.

Well the month is almost over and I don't really have anything plan for this month for I have been getting the kiddos ready for back to school and trying hard to adjust to my new work schedule (I am not a early bird and me an early mornings are not friends, but I digress).... But next month I am working on getting into school. A goal that I have working on for awhile now but always seems to run across more challenges that I can handle.... but I am not giving up and hopefully I get the ball rolling and make it happen for the fall. So my goal and focus for next month is to registar and start school....

Day 20: A letter to your parents.

TODAY I WILL

TODAY I WILL

Today I will start my day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.

Today I will accept my Change and challenge myself to be a better ME!

Today I will broaden my mind so that I can accept all things good and bad and make the best of everything.

Today I will clear my mind and heart of negativity.

Today I will not whine and whimper over things I cannot control.

Today I will push beyond all my limits and remind myself that things in life will not come easy and everyone is not willing to give and accept MY change. 
Today I will looked at myself in the mirror and see the face and body of what God made. I am not perfect, nor do I try to be, but I am a work in progress.Today I will stop saying that I CAN’T and focus on what I CAN.

Today I will work on ME!

Day 19: A habit you wish you didn’t have

I don't know if this qualifies as a habit, but I hate the fact that I don't smile enough.... I don't intentionally try to keep a frown on my face or have a unpleasant look, but somehow I do and to some I come off mean or I look mean or unapproachable, and I'm really not, I'm really a nice person, at times I will be in deep thought which leads into a glimpse day dream and I get lost in a trance, which can cause a strain look sometimes.....I guess (LOL) but I try to keep in mind to put a smile on my face and not look so off....LOL.... I try :) but I guess it don't work all the time.... but I will keep working on it ***SMILES INSERT HERE***

Found this quote***** Today continue to SMILE~ it increases your face value.... and always Pray ~ it increases your FAITH value....

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Day 18: A letter to someone you miss

I miss my brother, he was killed in 07 but we didn't find out til last year,..... this is a  very devastating feeling.

Dear Dwight,
Dwight you are my brother, my mom and dad only son, you should have saw the pain on their face when they heard the news it was devastating, I could barely catch my breath I was in shock! Words cannot describe the pain we feel right now. I know that this was not the pain and hurt you meant to cause us. I know that if you could you would walk through the doorway one more time and tell us how much you care and say goodbye and how sorry you are and that you tried to get better and do right. I know you been trying to reach out to us and tell us about your passing, I just hate it took this long, I hate that you made us wait. We waited three years to hear from you, see you , to talk to you, three years passed not knowing where you where, praying for a sign that you was ok and you was doing fine…WHY, WHY???, WHY didn‘t you answer me, you heard your little sister calling you, crying and reaching for you and you didn’t say anything….Maybe it wasn’t time for us to know, because you knew how much it would hurt us. You was waiting for the right time to come to us. I hate that I didn’t suspect anything sooner, because it was not like you to not call or saying anything. I have so many questions of WHYS? But I know that questioning God about the unknown will not provide any answers right now. I know that God don’t make any mistakes and that he was calling his child home. It was unfortunate of how your death occurred, no matter what, your my brother and you have done many things in the past and you did some wrong, but you didn’t deserve a death like that. You didn’t deserve that kind of pain and torture. God I know you shouldn’t harvest hate in your heart, but I HATE the guys who took you from us. . I know that in time the pain and hurt will begin to fade and it will get easier and one day everything will all fall back into place. It might not be today, tomorrow or next week or next even next year. With Faith in God I know in due time all things heal and we must keep moving forward. I can still hear you telling me, “Shante always be yourself, never change for nobody, never be afraid,  to be me because at the end of day your only living for yourself, family and GOD and only God can judge you.“ we always had those kinds of talk, you was always upfront with me, and never sugar coated anything, when I needed you, you was there for me, Thank you for that.

Dwight please watch over mom and dad and protect them from the heartache. Tell Mamma Jessie, Aunt Wanda, Kamera, and Grandma Kennard that we love them all and missed them so much. I know that they are happy to see you, to see you safe at last and pain free. Now your soul can rest and be at peace. Your gone but you will never be forgotten…..I will always love you

Love always
Your baby Sis

Day 17: A photo that makes you want to cry.

This is a photo that makes me cry, My sister, me and my brother) Although this is on my wedding day and this was a very happy and special occasion, this is also the last time and the picture that I took with my brother. This is the last time we saw him 3/18/2006 because the next following year he was murdered and we didn't even know about it until 3 years later. We searched High and low looking for him only to find out the devastating news that crushed my heart and soul. Love my brother we didn't have the best brother & sister relationship but he was and always will be my big brother and I loved him dearly and now to know that I will never see him again, or get the hear his crazy stories is very upsetting.

RIP Dwight you will forever be miss...... (tears)

Waiting patiently for my change to come

Waiting patiently for my change to come.....This year is almost over and I must say this has not been one of my greatest... I have experience so many trials  & errors, ups and downs that left me with some crazy emotions with a hint of self doubt. I've experience some tough times, heartache & hardship .....I feel like I have fell into  an unbalance oracle where I am fighting against myself, true love, my future and my marriage..... with all of this going on in my heart and in my mind I still have to take care of my household, raise my kids, be gainfully employed at a place where I feel like my life is fading as I type this.....a supportive wife, friend, sister & daughter..... There are days where I am soo exhausted and tired not from a hard day of work or play, but just mentally tired from over stressing about the How's, When's. Where's, & What's of my day to day life. There are moments when I truly feel like I cannot take another step or  move forward because of the agony that has taken over my mind, heart & body. I am at a place of NOWHERE, I ran from a place where I thought didn't need me to a place that I thought  at the time was best for me and now I am lost in a place where I can't find ME......This is where I am at, but this is not the place I want to be so as I express all my worries and deep emotions I Still and most importantly must remain faithful to God....I must wait patiently for my change to come..... I can not give up on his word......

  

God I pray that you heal my mind, body and soul and give me the strength I need to continue on. I ask that you please order my footsteps down the path you have ordered for me, for without you I am nothing and with you I am everything. God I ask that you speak order into my life so that I may have some directions. I pray for peace, understanding and forgiveness. In these words I pray

Amen

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Day 16: A photo that makes you smile.

Day 15: What you would do if you were pregnant

Well Hmmmm...... this is a strange question but here I go.... I have been pregnant 4x..... yes I have 4 kids and I did the only thing I could do and that was handle my business and work on becoming the best Mom I can ever be. My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 4 and motherhood is the hardest job ever because it is a nonstop commitment 24/7. Personally I did not enjoy being pregnant.....OMG it was an  horrible experience and yet I had to do it 4 times.....(don't judge me) but dealing with the mood swings and uncontrollable emotions and weight gain, back pain and hot flashes and the nonstop kicking felt like my ribs was about the break in two and need I talk about the constant going to the bathroom just for a few squirts, UGH!!!! horrible, but in all after all of the pushing, screaming and breathing (which really didn't help much) and praying for drugs that you wish you should have ask for at first but you didn't because you didn't want to harm the baby....but once they place that small little person in your arms your heart stops because you can't believe that you created another person that you can't stop kissing and hugging.  ALL of the struggle, pain,crying  and cussing( because you wish your husband understood what you was going thru and could experience all ot this too).... was worth it because I have something worth going thru all that pain for.
But I REFUSE to do it again..... I am done I love my kids but a 5th time I cannot Do.....

I Cannot Do This Alone

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.
In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me…
Restore me to liberty,
And enable me to live now
That I may answer before you and before me.
May I praise your Name...To God be the Glory..
Amen
.

Day 14: Something you love about yourself

Something I love about myself.......hmmm I love my smile, when I do it I can light up a room. I love my sense of humor, my craziness, I love to joke  around and have great time. I love my motivation, I love to encourage other people and see people happy. I love that I can rely and count on me to do and be me. I might not mean nothing to you but to me I am more than a lot.

Keeping my Faith

These past few days I have not been feeling like myself....I have been very distant and just exhausted lately..I have a lot going on in my life right now and I have begun to drag and just feel helpless. Feeling helpless is the worst feeling in the world (IMO) I hate the feeling of not being able to control my situation or outcomes, it drives me nuts....but I can not give up on me and my Faith in God, that is why God created FAITH, you have to faith in everything you do, where you go and in what you say and how you feel... Even though I am going thru this rough patch in my life right now and I can barely see the bright light at the end of the tunnel, I know I have to keep my faith that God first and that He is going to see me thru this and I am going to be victorious in my outcome. I will continue to pray for strength to carry on and for God to give me a clear mind and understanding that I will be  victorious in my outcome. I will continue to pray for strength to carry on and for God to give me a clear mind and understanding that I will be ok and that he will not put more on me than I can bare.
I wanna be Bless:

A PRAYER FOR COURAGE

Dear Father,
I pray for courage as I begin this day, for I understand there is work to be done, burdens to be carried, feelings to be shared and joys to be celebrated.
Grant me the courage to be silent that I may hear Thy voice; to persevere, that I may share Thy victory; and to remember, lest I forget the way by which Thou has led me.
And when this day is done, O Lord, may I have the courage to see Thy guiding hand in the friendships that have been made, in the hurts that have been healed, and in the strength that has been given.
Amen.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Day 12: Your favorite female group

My favorite female group.....I love love love En Vogue....(singing Hold on to your love), Love TLC yes I tried to learn ALL there dance moves and tried to dress like thim....LOL (don't judge me) SWV & Destiny Child.... i really wish they would  get back together because we need more girl power movements & sweet harmony....

I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!!!

IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE; SOMETHING COMES UP TO THROW ME OFF. EVERY TIME I GET MY MIND SET TO MOVE FORWARD IN THE DIRECTION THAT GOD WOULD HAVE ME TO GO, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE WAITING TO JUST TRIP ME UP… BUT I GOT NEWS FOR YOU SATAN. I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR, I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED & I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! THE DEVIL CAN THROW WHATEVER HE WANTS TO THROW AT ME BUT I’M STILL FIGHTING, I’M STILL IN HIS WORD, I’M STILL PRAYING MORE THAN EVER AND DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO. NO NEGATIVE THING WILL STAND IN THE BETWEEN ME AND MY DESTINY… I WILL NOT FAIL. I GOT A GOD IN MY CORNER THAT IS GREATER THAN ANY NEGATIVE THING THAT CAN BE THROWN AGAINST ME. SO HIT ME WITH YOUR HARDEST PUNCH, GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT, I MAY STUMBLE A LITTLE BIT, I MAY EVEN FALL…. BUT I WILL NOT FAIL!! I WILL COME OUT ON TOP NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS OR HOW LONG IT TAKES. I’M GONNA PRESS MY WAY THROUGH.
FOR I AM MORT THAN A CONQUEROR!!!!!

Day 11: A letter to one of your exes

A letter to my ex......

Thank you soooo much for fucking up and  letting me go. You help me to realize that I am so much more and deserve so much better than what you had and did offer. I am in a better place in my life and is moving forward because it is obvious you was the best thing I NEVER had!!!!!!

Goodbye!

Day 10: Your best friend

My best friend is Senta Cooper, we have been best friends since we was little girls, like 8 years old, we got into a lot of shit back in the day, We have been firend a very long time and even though she moved to Dallas and we don't hang and talk as much, I know I can still call on her to be there for me and support me in all I do, we will always have a bond that can never be broken

Day 9: Your definition of love

To me Love is an emotion that only works unless you work it or put some type of action behind....We all can speak of love but love has to be shown with actions and express thur words. Love can build you up and bring you down, Make you strong or feel weak..... Love can be given and taken away, Love is in ALL of us, we ALL process some type of love within ourselves

Day 8: Something you hate about yourself

There are a few things I hate about myself........ Really hate is such a harsh word so I would say I really dislike very very badly about myself is that I am procrastinator..... there I said it out loud, I have very good intentions on a lot of things but I sike myself  because of fear.....also I give in too easliy instead of holding my ground on things that matter most to me because I want to please everyone else first and myself last...... WELL ALL of THAT is going to change because I am working towards doing better on these things for MYSELF!!!!

Day 7: Your crush

My crush has and will always be Tyrese Gibson....... whew!!!! That is a very very sexy man.....

 

A change is going to come

Never think that God's delays are God's denials, know that you are where you are suppose to be at this very moment. Make the best of it by putting your positive thoughts into play and know that your situation is only temporary and God’s sees your trouble so Hold on; hold fast; hold out because God got you covered.

Day 6: A song that makes you cry

Brenda got a baby by 2pac... this song is so sad to me everytime I hear or watch the video because I know someone out there had to live this or know someone that went thur something similiar and I get teary eyed everytime....

Also He saw the best in me by Marvin Sapp.... I get teary eyed when I ear this one,

Day 5: A photo of something you really hate

Something I really Hate......ummmmm that is a tough one because I dislike A LOT of things, but hate is a very harsh word and I try really hard to hate anything... but if I have to hate anything it would be BROKE.... I hate being Broke.... Now I don't mind being not having after I have paid all the bills and is gas up bc now I can survie another 30 days, but being broke and not know when my next dollar is coming from is a painful feeling......and I would HATE that....

Day 4: About your family

Something about my family......  I am married to my husband of 5 years.... I have 4 crazy kids 2 boys and 2 girls...I don't know how I was bless with that combation but I'm glad I am. I am a daddies girl, always have and always will be :), I have 1 brother and 1 sister I am the youngest, my brother pass about 3 years ago and I am still having a hard time getting over it, Me a sister is not really close, but we do communicate. I talk to my mom just about everyday, I am very proud of her she has overcome soo much....

My family, Hubby & kiddies

 Me and my Mom

                                               

Me and my big sis

 

Me and my dad.... I am a daddies girl

 

Me& my sis & my big brother, may he R.I.P



My niece and nephew



Day 3: About your friends

About my friends..... I don't have very many that I can truly call my friends, now a days soo many people lack the concept of the meaning of friendship, but the very few that I have are great  they are great at keeping me sain and having my back when I need them the most.My little sis Christa is the best I can always count on her when I need. We have had our ups and downs, but we have a past that can not be broken. she is there when I need her when it matter most, even though there was times when I really wish she was around, but the bond we have is priceless that I will go over and beyond for........ So I cherish the ones that have and those that don't mind don't matter and those that matter the most I keep in mind.....

My God sister

Day 2: The meaning behind your name.

According to the Babynology, my name Jenita means White Wave, One who is fair and beautiful and  God is Gracious

Numerological Meaning (For Entertainment Purposes Only)
People with this name tend to be very active. They love to travel and hate to sit around in the same spot for too long. They are bold, daring, and persuasive. They love to try new things and take chances. Professionally, they can be successful as a public figure, in the media, or at developing new ideas for small businesses.

Day 1: 5 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 1 of my 30 Day Challenge...... I'am a work in progress.....
1. I am married and a mother to 4 crazy kids, 2 boys and 2 girls
2. I love to read
3. I am a day dreamer, I can sit all day and just day dream if I could
4. I am always thinking of ways to improve myself, I just want to be better, no not the best just better than what I use to be and is today.... I know I am a work in progress and hopefully I will get there, because I believe I can be so much better than what I am...
5. I get discourage easily

30 Day Challenge!

Day 1: 5 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 2: The meaning behind your name.
Day 3: About your friends.
Day 4: About your family.
Day 5: A photo of something you really hate.
Day 6: A song that makes you cry.
Day 7: Your crush.
Day 8: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 9: Your definition of love.
Day 10: Your best friend.
Day 11: A letter to one of your exes.
Day 12: Your favorite female group.
Day 13: Your least favorite female group.
Day 14: Something you love about yourself.
Day 15: What you would if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant.
Day 16: A photo that makes you smile.
Day 17: A photo that makes you want to cry.
Day 18: A letter to someone you miss.
Day 19: A habit you wish you didn’t have.
Day 20: A letter to your parents.
Day 21: Short goals you wish to fulfill by the end of the month.
Day 22: Your nicknames & why you have them.
Day 23: What you would find in your bag.
Day 24: A song that makes you smile.
Day 25: How you found out about blogger & why you made one.
Day 26: First 10 songs to play on shuffle on your iPod.
Day 27: Your fashion style.
Day 28: What attracts you to someone.
Day 29: Future plans/goals.
Day 30: Who are you?

By the time I get to no.30 I wonder if I shall be able to define the question. Maybe that’s the point. Yea, I think that’s the point!
So lets get on with it!

Holding Me Back

I always heard that if you want your situation to change in your life then you will have to change your situation. I never fully understood how can a person change their situation, I always thought it was just something that each of had to go through to understand where we came from..... but that just can't be what it's all about...When things are going bad and your at a all time low you can't just stay there and wait for something to change are get better.... I have been at a ALL time low in my life and I know that eventually things will get better and a change is coming to come, but I want more than that..... I want things to be great in my life in my kids life, for my family...I really want to succeed at my dream and be happy in myself... Lately I have been feeling less worthy of me, unhappy, mad, fustrated and dissappoint in me..... Yes I know that I am in control of my own destiny and if I want things to turn around in my life I will have to do something to change..... Well that is just it.... I don't where to begin or how to start or what to do and how to do it.... At 33, with 4 kids, married for 5 years I thought I would have somewhat figured somethings out atleast about myself...or about the women I have become or was.... I feel as if I only adapted to what is expected to be and do instead of doing what I felt was right for me.... I allow myself to submissive into that very same person I told myself as a little girl I would never become...... Feeling weak, not only I am weak to others but being weak to myelf as well....I have been placed on HOLD and I am Holding Me Back from all the things that I wanted to accomplished, my dreams, my goals, my kids, my family....... I have so many things inside of me that I have never adventured or let out because of fear what others might say or think.... I do not want to geel trapped and tied down because it just seems like the best thing to do.... I want to explore and enjoy what I do and appericate the fact that I did it...... I want to be HAPPY WITH ME, ABOUT ME. right now when I look at myself I don't see happiess, I see fear and loneliness and heartache...... where do I begin to change that, I guess I need to start with how I see me.....

until then I will learn to smile like I have no worries and laugh just because....
Chapter 1:Releasing the Hold on Me.....